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I’ve spent much of my life wondering what’s wrong with me. As an obese kid, I daydreamed about a magical oil that I could put in my bathwater. The oil would dissolve the fat without harming my skin. In the fantasy, my arms and legs would be perfectly proportioned, but I’d have to submerge myself entirely to get the full advantage of this special oil. I wondered if my bathtub was big enough. I was 8 years old.
Before puberty I knew something was different about me. I knew I was ALWAYS hungry and hopelessly fat. I hated that word. I feared it. That word had been tossed at me in utter disgust more than once by adults and peer and even younger children. I couldn’t say that word.
I daydreamed a lot as a kid. I was an only child until I was 18 (that’s another story). I entertained myself by reading and eating and daydreaming, and I knew there was something wrong with me.
The characters in the books I read were never overweight. Sometimes there was a chubby sidekick who…
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